Sunday, 18 December 2011

The Ultimate Guide To Pretending You Like a Bad Present...

What? It happens to all of us at least once around this Christmas season!
I know I sound ungrateful but my mother is an expert at getting it wrong!
She'll go out and spend a ridiculous amount of money on silly things that we didn't even ask for!

One Christmas, when my sister was going through the 'Westlife are Gay and Five rock because your man in it has his eyebrow pierced' phase, My mother decided to get her Westlifes album... her face as she tore off the wrapping paper is etched in my memory.. Horrified! 
My sister's an actress so she's always been great at hiding her true feelings about presents... but me.. not so much...

The year I started playing with Bratz and decided that Barbie's were for babies I got a lovely array of Barbie goodies under the tree.. and instead of being subtle and saying, 'wow I love them!' I sat there with a face like a slapped arse and sulked!

This year my sister will be having Christmas dinner on Bondi Beach.. so I'm an only child for Christmas.. AHHHH! 
How am I supposed to act like I love everything without her there to help me out? And my parents eyes are going to be glued to my facial expressions after the opening of each gift!

I've been practicing in the mirror and composed a little list to help you out with bad gifts.. weather they're from family or friends.

Here we go...

- If there's a popular label branded on the gift take a sneaky look at it so that you can say.. 'Oh My Gosh! I saw these salt and pepper shakers in IKEA just the other day! I was actually about to buy them! Thank God I didn't!'
This fools the person into thinking that you were actually going to buy yourself the item because you love it so much... even though you don't cook and you still live with your parents who most likely have hundreds of salt and pepper shakers in the house already.

-Another great one is the 'WoW! My friend Emma has this heart shaped paper weight... I've always wanted one of my own.'
This makes the person think that you love the present.. that you have wanted one all along, that you will actually get use out of a paper weight and that you have a friend called Emma.

-Doing a little dance of gratitude will always gain you brownie points, like the year my sister opened up a giant packet of multicolored bra straps, her initial instinct was to fuck it at my mam's face, but instead she stood up and done a jolly little dance on the spot singing 'Bra-straps! Bra-straps Galore!' My parents were Immediately fooled by her enthusiasm.. the packet of bra straps are still sitting in a drawer in her room, untouched and gathering dust.

- If you're holding the parcel and know that what's in it is going to be bad, do this... Shake the parcel and state loudly as your opening it... 'I think I know what this is, It's not a, it is, it's a... flask! I knew it! how did you know I wanted one of these?
This will distract them by making them think you have a sixth sense and knew what the present was before you even opened it.

-If it's a piece of clothing or jewelery, Put it on Immediately. 'A toe ring? *whipsoffsockandputsiton* I love toe rings! *Wigglestoe*
This tells them that you love the item and can't wait to wear it in public... even though the only time you'll ever wear it is when visiting them.

-Lastly, If the gift is so unbearably horrific that you feel the need to cry, make them look like happy tears and be sure to say.. 'This is the best Christmas ever! Wahhhh....

I hope this post will help you ladies get through the Christmas season gracefully and with composure. 
Now I want to know.. Whats the worst gift you've ever received? 
and what was your reaction?

And if you want a gift you'll be sure to love why not enter my 100 follower giveaway


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