Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Sloppy Drunk Girl Syndrome...

Before I begin I'd like to say that I live in Ireland where it's legal to drink at eighteen, so I'm not breaking any laws here.. and that I'm in no way trying to influence anyone to drink.. this post is supposed to be helpful and is aimed at people who are of legal age..

We've all seen it, and let's face it, it's one of the most unpleasant and annoying things in the world... the common condition of Sloppydrunkgirl syndrome...
They scream, they fall, they spill drink on those fantastic new shoes you just purchased, they throw themselves at people of any sex and they fail to make sense when trying to converse with you in the ladies room... We've seen it, we've all been agrivated by it, and the majority of us will have actually experienced the condition at least once in our lives...
I say this because I, *Fist to mouth* have been this girl on a few occasions... and so have most girls I know. Hey you can't party without suffering the concequences every now and then...

The most recent inicident being last Friday when I smartly decided to wear my Jeffrey Campbells on a pub crawl... Now I'm the kinda gal that walks better in my skyscrapers, I mean heels, when I'm drunk than when I'm sober... But after the eighth pub I could hardly put one foot in front of the other, and whilst  trying gracefully to walk down the stairs to use the ladies room, I toppled down the whole flight, landed on my face and ended up flopping around like an intoxicated seal trying to get back up.. which brings me to my first tip...

1. When you know your going to get into a messy state, leave your stilts at home...I was going on a Pub Crawl.. what the heck made me wear Jeffrey Campbells? I know for a fact that if I had of worn my converse I would not be sitting on my couch right now with a bag of frozen pea's held on my bruised ribs! lol.. It's true though, my mother took an absolute FREAKER at me and told me I COULD HAVE FECKING KILLED MYSELF! I COULD HAVE BROKEN MY NECK AND DIED, I'M LUCKY TO BE ALIVE! Yes she's a little dramatic with her use of words but heck, it's kind of true, I mean I tumbled down the stairs... So ladies when you know it's going to be a crazy night, wear you flats, bring your flats in your handbag or at least wear your oldest heels so that you don't destroy your new ones!!!

2. EAT DAMMIT! I feel like a complete hypocrite saying this as I'll be the first one to shout 'EATING IS CHEATING' at the fatty that's shoving snacks down their gob at the party... It's true though. I find it really hard, and expensive, to get drunk after eating but hell going out with an empty stomach is a bad idea! You need some solids  to absorb the alcohol or you my dear, may end up with your head in the toilet bowl halfway through the night. So I make sure to have a HUGE dinner an hour before I start drinking or am heading out.. It gives you quality time to do some digesting yet you'll still have something in there to prevent you from getting sloppy.. Another great idea is to have food to pick at while your drinking and I've often whipped out the chicken tenders during pre-drinking sessions.

3. Bring out less... Since my first pay check I noticed myself getting a little more messy than usual on nights out.. then I figured it out.. Because I had a steady wage coming in I was bringing more money out on nights out, and hell what they say is true.. you'll spend what you have. If I go out with 20 blips I'll spend it, if I go out with 50 blips I'll spend it, if I go out with 1000 000 euro, Yes you guessed it, I'll spend it! Let's face it when you know theres some notes sitting in the pocket of your purse, why not have another drink? I used to think it wise to bring out extra money, or my visa, in case of 'emergencies'.. and do you know what I spend it on? MORE DRINK! So If you don't want to look like Father Jack by the end of the night.. limit the amount of money you bring. Another handy tip is to put your taxi money somewhere safe to assure that you won't spend it... Give it to a very very very trustworthy friend, or pop in the auld Brazierre.. (I'm classy like that!)

4. Slow it down... It's not a race! Enjoy your drink, be sociable and don't spend the night glued to the bar chugging back jager-bombs! This is coming from me who is a huge fan of the shots, but do it in moderation.. I recently noticed that I drink way too fast... My friends will be on their second sip and my glass will be empty.. I don't do this on purpose.. It just... happens.. So I've recently began boycotting straws! Funny but true, drinks just go down so much faster when being sucked through a piece of plastic than being sipped.

5. Take a break! Have a Kit Kat! Not literally, but it's ok to stop and order yourself a 'Coke and Captain Morgan, hold the captain morgan..' or a nice big pint of water. I've heard of experts saying you should drink a pint of water between every drink..In my case that's not likely to happen, but hey there's nothing wrong with giving yourself a break and ordering a non alcoholic beverage for a change!

6. Don't succumb to peer pressure.. We're all big girls here and this point is quite obvious, but true, who cares if your friends call you a dry shite? I'd rather hold their hair back than have them holding mine! Plus.. If your friends are the type that would pressure you into drinking more than you want to, you need to find some new drinking buddy's!

7. When in doubt puke it out! If your feeling nauceues or have the spinnies, don't be afraid to go to the ladies and hurl it up.. I know it sounds completely disgusting but hey? I'd rather do it in a toilet than on some  sex bomb I'm trying to chat up! Sometimes getting it out of your system can make you feel a whole lot better.

8. Don't be afraid to call it a night. If you feel that your too drunk and are losing control of yourself, get yourself home. If your friends are true friends, they'll help you go about it, and if they aren't there's always the parents. I ended up getting really drunk on a night out before.. It was quite early and I knew I was in no condition to carry on. I was at a house party and ended up outside rolling around in my own vomit, (excuse the gory details) I really didn't want to ruin the night for my friends and couldn't find a taxi anywhere, so I turned into the five year old girl thats hidden inside me, rang my folks and told them that I'd gotten too drunk and couldn't get home. To my surprise they showed up in minutes, cuddled me the whole way home and got me to bed. They obviously weren't impressed by how drunk I'd gotten, and I was lectured for weeks after, but they were happy that I'd trusted them enough to call them in a time of need, and that I didn't stay out and get myself into trouble. I know not everyone has parents as cool as mine but it's worth a try.. they can only stay pissed off at you for a time before they forget about the whole thing.

These are just some tips that I've learned in my days, have you ladies got any great tips to share? And for a more interesting question.. Have you ever been the Sloppy drunk girl on a night out? I'd love to hear some of your stories!


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