Monday, 4 November 2013

Hat Drama!...



I am a FREAK for hats, I just love them and almost every time I go shopping I end up picking up a new one... Wearing hats should be easy, but there are some factors that make it that bit more difficult for us.

Scaldy kids
I was recently involved in a little confrontation whilst waiting on a Luas to go and see the fabulous Macklemore in concert. I had chosen to sport my bowler hat with some leather shorts and a white shirt, the tuxedo look will always be something that I go back to.. There was a group of us waiting for our Luas when suddenly an egg was flung from across the road. We all managed to dodge it and when we went to look across the road for the culprits, we were shocked to see a group of boys, no older than five years of age, sporting their best trackies and coming our way. They grabbed my friends bowler hat first and ran, then stood across the road throwing bottles, shouting abuse and taunting us. I bought my bowler hat in Florence so not only is it irreplacable, it also holds some sentimental value, so when I felt the tug of a tiny hand at the back of my head, I grabbed it and roared 'NOOO,' before tearing it from the childs hands. He looked terrified and froze for a minute, before he ran for his little life, I can only imagine that the expression on my face as I battled for the life of my hat was a little less than psychotic... my eyes were probably red with anger. After minutes of shouting at the children they finally gave in and returned my friends hat (after we'd called the guards that is). My lovely hat remained in my handbag for the journey, the concert and wasn't returned to my head until I was safely inside a club later that night. So for all you bus wankers and public transport heads that are forced to wait in the cold in run down area's, maybe it's best to pop your hat into your handbag, or just clutch it under your arm, or just super glue it to your head...


Tornadooooo!
Ok, tornado may be a bit of an over exaggeration as I live on the emerald Isle where natural disasters to this extent are non existant... But we get wind, in gail forces, a lot.
It's a cruel world, a rainy, windy day would be the perfect opportunity to pop a hat on and let it hide your fuzzy, wind fucked hair.. unfortunately though, the likelyhood of it is that your lovely hat is going to blow right off your not so lovely head and land in one the following:

-The Liffey, Dublins finest river complete with green filthy water, litter and probably a dead body or two.. If your hat flies in there you certainly won't be jumping in after it, unless you enjoy the feeling of a tetnis shot being jabbed into your arse!

-The middle of the road, cars drive here, buses too, your hat will more than likely be run over by one, or both of these, and destroyed.



Hat wankers
Similar to the first point, but these may not be scaldy and come in a diverse age group.
The dreaded hat wanker is that person that will approach you from behind in a nightclub, (don't get too excited, this isn't going anywhere sexual), Remove your hat from your head, and place it on their own. After years of intense, scientific studies, researchers have still not been able to find why this horrid breed of people enjoy this cruel sport. Do they have a hat fetish? Have they never owned a hat of their own? Are they gravely lacking in hair self esteem? Is it a way of befriending or chatting you up? Nobody knows.. but one things for sure, it grinds my gears! If you want to wear my hat, just ask, I'm a friendly drunk when not provoked and the chances are I'll give it to you, then proceed in taking photo's of us pulling funny faces for my Facebook!


Beware of the hat hair!
If you're going somewhere important, like to a job interview, to work or on a fancy date, and plan on taking off your hat once you've arrived at your destination, Beware of the hat hair!
Hats are a beautiful thing, but you can't forget that they have a tendency to flatten your hair, add static and give you fly aways...the severity of your hat hair could startle someone greatly.. So if the hats not a long term decision, be sure to carry with you your trustiest comb!


The commenters
Luckily enough Dublin is quite a fashion friendly place open to all styles and trends, so I've never had major abuse hurled at me over a hat, but always be prepared for a sly or nasty comment from jealous or small minded people. I've suffered a few 'state of your hat' moments, and the lovely bowler hat trend just opens a doorway for the 'oi, Charlie Chaplin!' or the 'Look, It's Boy George!'
With this one, Ignorance is bliss! Hold your head high, keep walking and embrace that hat! You made the decision to wear it, now is your time to pull through and shine!


x

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